Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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