she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Randomize
