after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
