oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
