I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
