textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Randomize
