she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
