You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize