That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize