Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
