I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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