Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
