Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
