Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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