Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
