Michael Bay diarrhea
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
