I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
whose ass print is on the piano?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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