The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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