i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
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