And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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