At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
