Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Randomize
