This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
