my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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