I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
