I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
