woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
