last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
