Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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