Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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