That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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