she woke up with a sticky ear
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
