i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
