Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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