clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Randomize
