i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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