the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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