is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
