I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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