You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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