So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
