What a fucking waste of an outfit
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
