no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
