he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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