dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
