I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize