Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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