Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
