Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
