I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I've blown a few things in my day
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Randomize
