I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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