dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
