If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Randomize
