He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
