Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
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