I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
