Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
