I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize