Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
