I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Randomize
