I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
