I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I'm at about main and main street
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
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