I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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