I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
