I am in a vortex of obligation.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
