Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
This baby is an asshole
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
