Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
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