Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Success! We fucked roommates!
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
