We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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