She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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