I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
