Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
