It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
