She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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